“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Romans 5:8 NIV

Hello ladies, I know it has been a minute since I wrote you, but I had some personal things come up in my life that needed my attention. One of those is having to deal with old hurts and wounds I’ve covered up instead of giving them over to the Lord to heal. Growing up I was always addicted to approval, never learned the respect of boundaries – for myself and others -, and had issues with the freedom of being the person God created me to be. Because of this, there has been a lot of heartaches, struggle, and disappointments. I struggled with depression in my teens and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety in my twenties. Why am I telling you all of this? Because I was raised in the church, and all the scriptures like the one I shared at the beginning of this post I felt weren’t speaking to me personally. Oh sister, how often do we allow life experiences to dictate God’s view of us and what He has already spoken over us? God didn’t say He would love us until we committed that sin, or said that thing, then all bets were off. He said he loved us while we were sinners. Friend, this means no matter what you’ve done or ever could do, God loves you! God loves you, [insert your name here]!! We don’t have to be someone else, act a certain way, gain anyone’s approval because the Lord of heaven and earth, our creator is wild about us! This is something I am learning with each new day, and something God’s revealing to me through various people and my counselor.

Breakthrough is coming

In my last session with my counselor, I really believe I had a moment of breakthrough. See I have a tendency to try and tell my life story or become very aggressive in my friendships because I’m afraid of them leaving me, or worse yet, rejecting me. My counselor said something to me that caught me off guard though, she said, “You don’t have to share anything with me. You can come in here each week and share as little or as much as you want; we have time.” This was huge for me! I had the freedom to pick apart little details of my life when the time is right and not all at once because she was there to listen, not judge, but listen. For some of you, this may be hard to hear, it was for me. However, after 35 or so minutes of being in my session, I had a breakthrough and it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I suddenly realized I had been misjudging people and assuming everyone I met would be like some family members I grew up with who didn’t live by integrity, honesty, and never really said what they meant. Because of this, there was a gap, or wound if you will, inside of me, and my experiences as a child would spill over into every encounter I had with others. My counselor suggested I slowed down from talking and take a deep breath, and after I did that I sensed a shift in my spirit and my mind. It was like God said I didn’t get hurt overnight, and I can’t heal overnight. In other words, you may have experienced some loss, say someone abused your trust, you lost a child, whatever it may be, and that created a wound inside of you. Well, over time unless dealt with the wound tends to fester and get infected, and as Christians, we tend to think if we ask God for a breakthrough it is going to happen in our timeline and just miraculously make everything alright overnight. However, something I’ve learned over the last year, and am still learning, is maybe our breakthrough is something God wants to do in segments. Maybe we have experienced such a great heartache in life that it can’t happen instantaneously because it wouldn’t be best for us and, wait for it, it won’t teach us anything!

Ladies, regardless of what you are going through today, will you take a moment and just ask God to help you be patient in your healing process? Just like with me in this current season, I’m realizing God wants to not only heal me, He wants to help me see myself the way He sees me, as the unique and beautiful daughter that I am. I am starting to learn things about myself I never knew, such as my favorite hobbies and things that bring me joy. I’m learning what it means to put up and respect the boundaries of others, take some time to care for myself – be it a bubble bath, spending time in nature, etc – and trust that whomever God brings into my life if they leave it won’t be because I wasn’t a good friend but because it was their time to go. I once heard someone say people come into our lives for a season, for a reason, and for a lifetime. If I haven’t found my lifetime friends, I just need to lean into God a little closer and make Him my best friend and let me tell you, that is hard to do when you are an extrovert. I would be lying if I told you I’ve never experienced loneliness, but guess what? So has Jesus and I need to go to him before seeking out the attention and time of others. It is a good thing to have friends and people who you rely on for prayer, to spend good godly girl time with, but there are times in our lives where it will only be us and Jesus and that is okay too.

Dear sisters, I really hope this has blessed you as it did me. I pray this week God would not only pour out His love on you but help you to love yourself and love others in a new light. If nobody has told you today, I love you and you are a gift!

Your fellow sister in Christ,

Angie