Who are your people?

My friend Keisha and I enjoying a night out.

“Life was never meant to be lived alone.” I used to hear this growing up and yet finding solid friends was always a struggle for me. Be it my past experiences and how I grew up, or just the fact that God had a call on my life and it rubbed people the wrong way, I had a hard time with keeping lasting friendships. That was before I understood there are three types of friends in life, and I am going to discuss them below. So without further ado let’s get into it.

Friendship Types:

  1. Momentary Friends

These are friends who come into your life for a reason. You didn’t realize you needed them, yet somehow they show up at just the right time. I have had these types of people in my life since I was a little kid, even though most of them came in the form of teachers and older people I saw frequently at my local church. As a kid, I struggled with severe people-pleasing, fear, and low self-image due to the environment I was raised in. Because of this, I was a bit awkward in public settings and didn’t know how to interact with others, let alone my peers. Because of my past, there would be times I struggled with my identity and feeling loved or accepted, both by God and others. I can remember numerous times when I was a child just smile or a hug from one of my teachers or my parents’ friends who we went to church with coming up and giving me a hug and that brightened up my whole day. That is why I tell people all the time now, you will never truly understand the power of a smile or hug, and what it can do for others.

2. Seasonal Friends

The next type of friends that come into our lives is ones who stay for only a season or only a short time. These may be friends who you were close to in school but no longer speak to or aren’t as close with. Or maybe these are people you became close with during your college years or a previous job, yet now they are either in a different place in their life than yours or have moved away. For me, once I turned thirteen, this became the majority of my friends up until probably the last eight or so years. The longest friendship I think I ever had was with a girl, who honestly wasn’t a very good friend, for around eight or nine years. After her true personality really began to show, and I saw how toxic the friendship really was, I was able to break free and move on with my life. I’m thankful for the friendship though because it helped me to recognize things about myself and how to properly see the “warning signs” the next time I meet someone who shares similar traits and characteristics. On the other hand, there have been good quality friends who were in my life for a season and they taught me how to properly love and stand up for myself, even if at the time I didn’t realize that is what I was learning. Maybe you had a few friends, be it for good or bad, that have come into your life and taught you some things, or even better, you were able to teach and minister to them. After you finished reading the article, I would love to hear all about these friends and what lessons you learned from each one.

3. Forever Friends

These are not just people you talk to at church, those you associate with at work, or even those you meet in passing. No, I’m talking about the ones you consider to be, “your people”. The ones you do life with on a regular basis, and chat with more than once a week, sometimes even every day. Yes, these are what I like to consider as forever friends.

Now, up until about eight or so years ago, I didn’t really have friends like this, and to be honest I thought maybe God would never bring them to me. I would see people who had great best friends, or a group of people they would go on trips with, go out for coffee, etc. and I have to admit I would be a little jealous. I would sometimes cry and ask God, “Where are my best friends?” or “Lord, will I ever find people like that in my life?” Little did I know He was preparing my heart to accept these people into my life. See, I don’t know about you, but having experienced trauma and heartache as a child, I couldn’t see good friendships because I was broken and I only saw through the filter of resentment, hurt, and shame. It wasn’t until I grasped who I was, who I belonged to, and the promises of God in my life that I was able to see the positive friendships that were waiting for me. Until we see our worth and acceptance only comes from God, our creator, we will always be looking to people to fill the void, only He can fill. You were created for more than your hurt and your past. Can I be honest with you ladies? There are those who would love to be friends with you, but they see you walking around like Charlie Brown with a rain cloud over your head and they don’t want that in their life. Let’s face it, life is hard enough, and we don’t need people in our immediate circle of friends who will drag us down even further. Plus the scripture says, you become who you’re around. * I’m not saying we walk around like we have it all together, yet we need to remember to set our mind on things above, not on things below.**

When I started recognizing this and taking my thoughts captive, God began blessing me with amazing friendships. There are two, in particular, I’m thinking of who’ve stuck by me through miscarriage, even when God called me to another church, and now this new chapter I’m entering as a divorcee. Another of my friends, whom you see in the picture at the beginning of the article, has become like an older sister, or a mentor to me. I brag on her all the time and tell people she has been my biggest cheerleader through this current season of life I’m in. My dear friend has spoken life over me, prayed for me when I didn’t even know what to pray for, and given me some hard truths – in love – when I needed it most. In the short time we’ve known each other, we have laughed, cried, and had deep conversations that have profoundly impacted my life. I have a handful of friends I know I can call up at a moments notice and share the good, the bad, and the ugly moments; and within those five or so friends I have what I like to call my crew. These three friends have come into my life at various points within the last eight years or so, and they have been given access to parts of me I don’t normally share with anyone else. They see me on the good days, the no makeup days, and everything in between. These are the type of people we need in our lives, because as scripture says,

“Moreover, an attacker may defeat someone who is alone, but two can resist him; and a three-stranded cord is not easily broken.”

Ecclesiastes 4:12 Complete Jewish Bible

I pray at some point in your life you find your forever friend, if you haven’t already, and I hope this article has helped you to give grace to whatever types of friends come into your life. For the longest time I tried to make forever friends out of those who were only meant to be there for a reason or a season, and it caused both heartache and pain. Once I started realizing which category each person was when they came into my life things became much easier for myself as well as those entering and exiting my life. I pray the same thing happens for you. If you enjoyed this post today please make sure to subscribe, share with a friend, and let me know in the comments below.

Blessings upon you sweet sisters,


*1 Cor. 15:33

**Col. 3:2

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